The Style Invitational Week 889 Tour de Fours VII
By The Empress
Saturday, October 9, 2010; C02
Pupelo: The Mississippi village where Elvis's Hound Dog came
from.
For no reason at all except
that we haven't used an O or a P in the previous six runnings
of this annual contest: Coin and define a humorous word that includes -- with
no other letters between them, but in any order -- the letters P, O, L and E,
as in the example above by Renaissance Man Bob Staake
Himself. It has to be a new word (or hyphenated compound), not a new definition
for a well-known existing word.
Winner gets the Inker, the
official Style Invitational trophy. Second place wins this handsome squeaky dog
toy in the shape of a typical bikini-wearing poultry carcass that seems to have
two unfortunate polyps in the breast meat. Perhaps the best thing about it is
the name of the product, Baking Beauties. Donated by Craig Dykstra, whose
beagle Daisy sensibly would have nothing to do with it.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug.
Honorable Mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser
Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air "freshener"
(Fir Stink for their First Ink). One prize per entrant per week. Send your
entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is
Monday, Oct. 18. Put "Week 889" in the subject line of your e-mail,
or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone
number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and
originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries
may be edited for taste or content. Results to be published Nov. 6. No purchase
required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate
relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be
disqualified. The revised titles for next week's
results are by Chris Doyle and Craig Dykstra, respectively. The
honorable-mentions subhead is by Gary Crockett; the headline for the Web-only
supplement ("Bank reserves") is by Kevin Dopart.
Report from Week 885, in which we asked you to
reinterpret the meaning of a Washington Post headline by writing a "bank
head" under it: Among the heads too frequently submitted -- they were just
too easy: "New bore reaches 33 trapped miners" ("Limbaugh takes
over rescue shift from Gore"); "FDA rules won't require salmon
labels" ("Coral, pale rose deemed close enough").
The winner of the Inker
Saudis may get huge arms deal
Landmark 'oil for spinach'
accord signed (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)
2. winner of the dispenser
full of actual red tape:
He surprises even himself
National peekaboo champion
reveals grueling training program (Kevin Dopart,
Washington)
3. Baltimore honors late
rocker Frank Zappa with bust
Heirs question 'honor' of
posthumous pot arrest (Bruce Alter, Fairfax Station)
4. These Redskins are as
entertaining as they are unpredictable
Excerpts published from
just-discovered Custer diary (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)
Undercapitalized banks: Honorable mentions
In back-to-school
speech, Obama implores students to 'dream big'
Gingrich:
President tells kids to sleep in class (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
Essence of the D.C. sound
Siren and car-alarm festival
starts today (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase)
Government targets inmate's
filings
Vows crackdown on cakes from
Mom (Ira Allen, Bethesda)
$250 fine for distracted
drivers in Va.
In fact, most say they'd be
they'd be happy getting half that much (Russell Beland,
Fairfax)
You call this camping?
New soldiers in Afghanistan
learn that recruiters might have misled them a bit (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)
Imposing talent
What it takes to compete in
the Brother-in-Law America pageant (Kevin Dopart)
County exec facing new sex
charges
Thought he was 'all paid up'
with hooker (Rich Abdill, College Park, a First
Offender)
Musician behind 'Hot Hot Hot'
Second violinist voted 'best
buns' by Philharmonic (Rick Haynes, Potomac)
Brown leads Orange in
chairman race
'What a relief to get beyond
that whole white/black thing,' mayor notes (Elden
Carnahan)
More alcohol-related hospital
trips
New liquor concession in ER
spurs increase in visitors (Jim Exnicios, Manassas)
Is George Mitchell in the
Middle East, or Northern Ireland?
We don't have so many foreign
correspondents anymore, so please let us know (Ken Gallant, Conway, Ark.)
With autumn, a rush of
arresting lesser-knowns
Most A-list celebs already in
jail (Gary Crockett; Barry Koch, Catlett, Va.)
British archaeologists find
remnants of a house dating back to the Stone Age
Mailbox marked 'Fl ntst n-' intrigues scientists (Jeff Contompasis,
Ashburn)
A week without Facebook?
Pennsylvania college tries it out
'Things seemed pretty much
the same,' reports Amish Institute (Michael Simon, Potomac, a First Offender)
Spaceflight program is now
NASA's albatross
Shuttle replacement features
large wingspan, low fuel costs (David Smith, Santa Cruz, Calif.)
Exhumation confirms that
Marine was buried in correct Arlington plot
'Sooner or later, someone had
to be,' says cemetery official (Russell Beland)
GOP plans to replace
health-care overhaul if it controls Congress, but with what is unclear
'Death' cited as one option
(John O'Byrne, Dublin)
Jets bounce back
Boeing's new Silly Putty
fuselage deemed a success in crash tests (Craig Dykstra)
Independence edges Freedom in
OT
Benign Dictatorship Runs
Distant Third (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
Miss Manners: Keep it loose
for tea parties
Spandex frowned upon at
Beck/Palin rally (Pam Sweeney, St. Paul, Minn.)
Head-scratching follows
head-spinning on 'Oprah'
New sweeps-month stunts fall
flat (Steve Honley, Washington)
Pumpkin launched more than a
mile
-- Tajikistan space program
advances (Barbara Turner, Takoma Park)
-- Search continues for
beloved pet after hamster wheel accident (Craig Dykstra)
And last:
The offensive output is no passing fancy
The Style Invitational
celebrates its 18th year (Beverley Sharp, Washington)
Even more bank heads.
Next week: Look both ways, or Laff
Offal, or Trope Report
Bank Reserves: More honorable-mention bank headlines
from Week 885 of The Style Invitational
It's corn syrup by another
name
Experts unable to explain
continuing popularity of 'Two and a Half Men' (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase)
An election in Japan
Viagra proves a big hit in
the Far East (Rick Haynes, Potomac)
Warren expected to be adviser
Vanity must have made actor
think he'd be consulted on Carly's lyrics (Russell Beland,
Fairfax)
Fairness of woman's sentence
challenged
'He never puts the lid down'
not entirely true, mediator rules (Elden Carnahan,
Laurel)
More Subtle Tack on Afghan
Graft
Grandma crochets new patch on
baby blanket, removes daughter-in-law's staple-gun fix (Bill Dorner, Indianapolis, a First Offender)
Independence edges
Freedom in OT
Linguists reveal
word counts for Holy Bible (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
'Delusions of Gender' argues
that faulty science is furthering sexism
Lady author has 338-page
hissy fit (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)
3 yards and a cloud of smoke
Neighbors on both sides fume
over townhouse resident's pig roast (Mae Scanlan,
Washington)
Republicans rethink '12
playbook
Reelection may have been
fluke for Taft, analysts say (Jeff Contompasis,
Ashburn; Mark Richardson, Washington)
Obama and the right to burn
books
President's joint action with
radical conservatives infuriates left (Ira Allen, Bethesda)
No one can make any sense of
what went down
Doctors flummoxed by sudden
failure of Levitra (Craig Dykstra, Centreville)
Pepco readies new technology
Plans to sell smokeless
candles to customers during outages (Jim Reagan, Herndon)
Metro pulls buses after
Beltway fire
Safety concerns down since
Clydesdale deployment, but manure complaints up (Kevin Dopart,
Washington; Andy Wolodkin, Frostburg, Md.)
Raising our
glasses to the return of school
Age-old defense
tactic against schoolyard bullies (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
Battlefield keeps its streak
alive
Pickett's Charge reenactors fail to take ridge for 147th consecutive time (Elden Carnahan)
Chunky sweaters
Brawny laborers prove
unpopular indoors (Tom Murphy, Bowie)
Nice top floor, but it's not
top-drawer
More NFL players assess
reporter Ines Sainz's cleavage (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn)
Speed-hump fight
ends in death
Unsatisfied, woman
shoots lover (Chris Doyle)
(The headline for this list
is by Kevin Dopart.)